I just read this blog entry: http://www.bphope.com/bphopeblog/post/Positive-and-Negative-Thinking-is-Contagious.aspx
and it made me think. I've been feeling so stressed, so down, so blah about the situation with my mom. I just feel helpless. I really don't know what I can do. What anyone can do.
Small update: we're (her addiction counselor, my brother, sister and moi) having a phone conversation with my mom tomorrow to try to get her to stay and take the program more seriously. I spoke with my mom today and I just don't feel hopeful. She just doesn't want to stay at rehab.
DarkHorizon left a comment on my blog yesterday and said: "she doesn't know she has a problem". And that is partly right. She doesn't know and she does know. The tricky thing is she knows on some level, but her mental illness makes her not care if she lives or dies. And the drinking is killing her.
What am I supposed to do with that?
Anyway. The point of this post is despite these horrible realities I'm dealing with right now, I think I need to find a way to bring myself some happiness.
Any suggestions?
tons of suggestions, but there more based on my favorite things, ha :)
ReplyDelete1) go out with some friends.
2) go to the zoo. seriously my favorite place to destress.
3) read a trashy romance novel :) guilty pleasure!
4) what's your hobby? everybody's got one. i like to cook. i like to write.
5) go to the beach, if you can. the smell and sight of the ocean calms me down.
6) babysit. i find that hanging out with my goddaughter and her giant room of toys makes me feel like a carefree 8 year old all over again.
7) pamper day! hot shower, nails did, new shoes, a day out, whatever :D
8) watch a comedy special, or better yet, go see some live comedy. get some laughter into your life. netflix has two wanda sykes specials that make me bust a gut.
9) sing out loud at karaoke. guaranteed to make you forget about anything else.
10) make a date with a friend.
just try to smile. and breathe. and remember that its still safe to be just "you".
I'm new to this site, actually I'm new to blogging as well. I just read your last few posts and I have an idea of the situation. I'm writing to give you some hope for you see I am a 55 year old recovering alcoholic with bipolar disorder. I have been sober for years now and the medication I take keeps my moods level. My advise to you is to do what you can but don't get down on yourself if the outcome isn't what you desire. You can't change other people, you can only encourage a change in behavior. Set a limit on what you can do for her, but most importantly live up to that expectation.
ReplyDeleteDenial of an alcoholic problem is a difficult situation. My opinion is that denial is a part of the relapse process that is the nature of addiction. If a person can convince themself that they do not have a problem with drinking, they then can convince themself that they can drink safely. Until a person reaches a point to where their life bottoms out and they are ready to ask for help expensive rehabs may not work. Sometimes it takes tough love, distancing yourself from your loved one, to help her to reach her bottom. At the least you should not enable her to continue her destructive lifestyle. Unfortunately it's up to her to change. Remember you did all that you could do for now.
I just read further and now realize how far along your mother is in her addiction. I will pray that she is not past the point of no return. Disregard what I wrote earlier about distancing yourself. Your mom needs your support now for she is in the late stages. You did step up and you did all that could be done.
ReplyDelete@her motherless daughter --- thank you so much for these suggestions! i went shopping yesterday (then felt guilty about spending $$ ha) and planned that trip to the mountains. it's so hard to know when to out a boundary up for self care ...and when to not because it's an important moment for my family.
ReplyDelete@Douglas thank you so much for your comments! id be really interested to hear some of your stories if you start sharing your blog. even though it's really common, it's been so hard finding other people who are (or have family members) who are coping with a dual diagnosis (BD and alcohol dependence in particular).
ReplyDeletethat is the hardest part -- realizing that you cant make someone change if they dont want to. i hope she isnt past the point of no return.
did you feel like the bipolar disorder ever contributed to your drinking? did it ever interfere with your treatment?
my mom openly says she doesn't care if she dies (suicidal ideation) and would rather drink and die than not drink and live. is that bipolar thinking or alcoholic?
any insight you have would be very much appreciated!
I don't have a blog but I would like to share some of my experiences here with the hope that it may further your understanding of a Dual Diagnose. I can only speak for myself because there are different degrees of Bipolar as well as different types of alcoholics.
ReplyDeleteMy mental illness is a mood disorder. I've lived with depression most of my life and found out early on that the only time I was ever happy was when I was drinking. Unfortunately I have the genetic predisposition to addiction so that once I get started the compulsion sets in to where I don't want to stop. I now believe the drinking set my mood into a hypomanic stage.
I have a dual diagnose of bipolar and addiction to alcohol. It took me many years to learn that I have to address both issues on a daily basis to recover. I don't drink and I take my meds. It sounds simple enough but alcoholism is powerful and when I did drink I would not take medication. As alcohol is a depressant the downward spiral begins. But when I got drunk I would go hypomanic. I wasn't a daily drinker, I would go on benders for two or three days. No sleep, once I passed a certain point I would not want to stop. Which is why I believe that the first drink will get me drunk. No thanks!
What is difficult with a dual diagnose is that one disease will feed into the other. If I were to go manic I would lose some of my sound judgement to where a drink would not sound like a bad idea. If I were to drink I would get hypo until I crashed into a deep depression. Been there, done that, I lose every time.
As you can see this is the issue that stays in the front of my mind. I'm sober for years now and my moods have stabilized with the help of my medication. I work it one day at a time.
Lastly I would like to give my opinion on your last question on whether your mom's suicidal thinking is bipolar or alcoholic. I say it is both. My experience is the diseases overlap with a depression triggering a relapse into drinking or a relapse into drinking triggering a depression. My guess is that your mother is in major depression because she wants to die. Whether the depression is caused by her Bipolar illness or alcoholism cannot be determined for it is normal for alcoholics to get depressed when they detox because alcohol is a depressant. It takes a long time for a person's brain chemistry to stabilize to where an assessment can be made.
Hope this helps, I enjoy making new virtual friends, and I would like to try to answer any questions but be aware that I am not a mental health nor medical professional.