Family Weekend at Hanley Part 2

In family program, you stay with your group almost the entire time (there are 1-2 hours to visit with your loved one). You eat meals with your group and spend the rest of the day together in lectures about addiction.

We learned about the Jellinek Chart:

I thought that was interesting because I related to almost every part of it. It talks about how what happens to the chemically dependent person is mimicked by the family members.

For example:

Increased Tolerance: for the addict this means "needing more of the substance to obtain the desired effect", but for the family member is means "putting up with more of the using behaviors of the addict".

We also learned about enabling and other codependent behaviors. They encouraged us as family members to LET GO of our codependent tendencies.

I think that is partly why I had such a difficult time: letting go (for me) means letting my mom die. I cannot do that. I am not ready to.

Family Weekend at Hanley Part I

I'm back home after family weekend at Hanley (which you can read about here).

The family program was actually very difficult for me. I arrived on Thursday night at the hotel that Hanley pays for one family member to stay in and it was very nice. The next morning, Hanley arranged for the family members attending the program to be picked up at 7:30 am. Originally, my brother and sister were both going to attend with me, but they bailed at the last minute.

The idea of family program is to teach the family members how addiction is a family disease. It's like dominoes: the substance (alcohol, in my mom's case) knocks the addict down and then the addict knocks everyone else around them down.

Other helpful things we learned about addiction:

-addiction is about compulsivity (always worrying about the next drink)

-the first 12-18 months after quitting are the hardest

-alcoholism is a holistic disease (physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual) & therefore so must the solution to the disease be


Anyway, I'll update more about what I learned later. But for now, I wanted to just say how hard the weekend was for me. I was SO immensely worried about my mom (rehab was not working for her...she had no intention of trying to stop drinking) that I could not handle the conversations about addiction and recovery. I sobbed through the entire weekend. I'm so glad that I won't see any of those people who attended family weekend again because I really embarrassed myself. I was way too emotional. It wasn't a tear or two, it was the kind of crying where you can't speak and you get all red and blotchy.

I still haven't processed why exactly it was so hard for me. Was it because I'd never openly talked about my mom's addiction? Or what it was like for me? Was the it group/crowd aspect? Was I just nervous?

Any ideas?

High Correlation Between Adult Children of Alcoholics And Nurses

According to GettingThemSober.com:

46% of American households have alcoholism.

Wow, almost HALF by their count.

75-80% of helping professionals in the U.S. under the age of 55 are adult children of alcoholics and 60% of physicians (who are U.S.-born) under the age of 55 are first-born children of alcoholics.

83% of nurses are adult children of alcoholics.

This is a staggeringly high number! Helps explain the stats that follow...

The American Nurses Association states that 20% of nurses have 'substance abuse issues' with an an estimated 40,000 nurses in the U.S. experiencing alcoholism. Binge drinking was highest among oncology, emergency, and critical care nurses.

Odds of marijuana use are 3.5 times higher among emergency nurses. Pediatric and emergency nurses reported a higher use of cocaine than other specialties. Oncology nurses reported the highest overall drug use – for all substances combined.

Looks like growing up in an environment of substance abuse combined with having a genetic predisposition to it, is taking it's toll here. Nursing has traditionally been a profession known for compassion and empathy. Looks like nurses (and doctors) could use a bit of this medicine themselves.

*article here

Wow...this is making me rethink my career path.

What do you think of this? Are children of addicts more likely to take on "helping careers"? Is it an extension of co-dependence? Are we fixers for life?

At my mom's...

I've been packing up my mom's house (25 years of memories...and STUFF). I'll update when I'm back home.

Life....

*image from here

So...

After taking a little hiatus from updating about my mom, I'm back with a short update. I needed time away from thinking about everything that is going on with my mom while she's in rehab.

Long short: The Hanley Center told my mom they had filed the Marchman Act, which is something that "can be defined as a course of action that can be done either voluntarily or involuntarily to provide substance abuse emergency services and temporary detention for individuals in need of substance abuse evaluation and treatment".

So, she's been forced to stay in rehab until July 14th. BUT when July 14th comes around, my mom is going to find out that everyone wants her to stay in inpatient rehab longer than that. She is going to be really mad.

Anyway, I am going to Florida for family weekend (which you can read about here or check out the previous post). I'm nervous about telling my mom that we are going to go through with the Marchman Act if she decides to leave July 14th, but I'm excited to see my mom SOBER and spend time with her...and also to learn about how an alcoholic family functions. I hope it is healing in some way.

Has anyone ever gone to a family weekend like this? I'd love to hear your experiences.

The Family Program at The Hanley Center

I'm going to the family weekend at Hanley and got an email asking for more info. Here it is...

The Family Program provides family members with an opportunity to gain insight into the ways in which they have been affected by the family disease of chemical dependency and to learn how to recover from the effects of the disease. Alcoholics and addicts, and those who love them and are closest to them, are affected physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. As the disease progresses, many family members become so focused on the addict or alcoholic that they lose the ability to take care of themselves.

Physically, you may suffer from stress-related illnesses. You may not be eating well, sleeping well or exercising.

Mentally, you can become obsessed, preoccupied and forgetful. You may have a hard time concentrating because of worry and racing thoughts. You can also develop mental defenses similar to the addict or alcoholic, such as denial and minimization.

Emotionally, you may be anxious, fearful, depressed, lonely, angry and overwhelmed, but the common way for dealing with these feelings is to bury them. Burying feelings can result in physical problems and overreacting to minor incidents because of a buildup of unresolved tension.

Socially, you might withdraw and become isolated, ceasing to participate in activities and hobbies that were once enjoyable. You can become disconnected from yourself, others and life.

Spiritually, you might find yourself violating your values to protect the addict or alcoholic and over time begin to lose faith, hope and a purpose for living.

Hanley Center’s Family Program is an educational, supportive and nonconfrontational group experience for family members, friends and significant others who have been affected by another person’s alcoholism and chemical dependency. The program consists of lectures, videos and group discussions on alcohol and drug addiction, relapse, family dynamics and the effects of addiction on children as well as the recovery process. Family Program participants also receive information about Al-Anon, CODA (Co-dependents Anonymous), and other 12-Step support groups to assist in their recovery.

The group consists of family members and patients at the Hanley Center who are not related to each other. This type of group creates an opportunity for alcoholics, addicts and family members to be able to share openly with each other without the typical emotional reactions and conflict that often occur within a chemically dependent family system. The result is that addicts, alcoholics and family members are able to gain a deeper awareness and understanding of each other. Each participant shares at the level that he or she feels comfortable. As group members share their feelings and experiences, they form meaningful connections with one another and begin to realize that they are not alone.

Who can attend?

The Family Program is offered to people in the community who have been affected by someone’s addiction and to anyone who has a loved one in treatment. Participants must be 18 years and older. Patients in residential treatment at the Hanley Center may have one person attend the Family Program at no charge. The cost of hotel accommodations is also included for those who reside outside Palm Beach County. Other family members and significant others may attend at an additional fee.

How can it benefit me? Why do I need to participate?

The Family Program provides valuable information, support and encouragement to individuals affected by another person’s addiction. Many family members are unaware of how deeply they have been affected by their loved one’s addiction and they may be confused about their role in supporting their loved one in recovery. Participants can discuss their concerns and ask questions so that they can make well-informed decisions. Groups are facilitated by Family Program counselors.

When is the Family Program offered?

The Family Program is a three-day program, beginning Friday morning and ending Sunday afternoon. It is offered every weekend. Call 1-800-444-7008 or 561-841-1000 to register or to receive additional information.

Do I need to participate in all three days?

Participants are expected to attend all three days. The program is sequential in nature. Each session builds on the material covered in the previous session.

If I am not able to attend the Family Program while my loved one is in treatment, can I come at another time?

Patients participate in the Family Program while they are in treatment. If you cannot attend the Family Program while your loved one is in treatment, you have up to one year from your loved one’s discharge date to take advantage of the free Family Program weekend (free for one family member).

Can my children participate in the Family Program?

The Family Program is designed for adults 18 and older. If you live in the area, you can bring your children to the Kids and Teens Place on Thursday evening, which is facilitated by the Prevention Department. For more information call 561-841-1214.

Can I visit with my loved one while I am in the Family Program?
Yes, you can spend time with your loved one during visitation which is scheduled every afternoon.

*all info taken from The Hanley Center website

When a loved one is depressed...

When a partner is depressed, these tips from Families for Depression Awareness can help keep your own mental health in balance:

Remember it’s not your fault. Depression in your partner is a medical condition, not the result of something you said or did.

Recognize normal reactions. Along with compassion for your partner, don’t be surprised to feel frustration, anger, and even hatred. It is extremely difficult not to take symptoms such as withdrawal and irritability personally. Also common are resentment because your life has changed and grief because the person you love seems to be gone. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling to deal with your emotions.

Don’t be a martyr. No matter how hard it seems, be sure to schedule time for activities that you enjoy. If you are taking on extra responsibilities around the house or in overseeing your partner’s treatment, look for other family members, friends, or even service professionals (a housecleaner, for example) who can take on some tasks.

Find social support. Dealing with depression in a partner can be isolating. Make the effort to spend time with friends who are able to sympathize and provide emotional sustenance. Seek out peer support groups for families of people with depression.

Be part of the solution. Learning more about depression and how to provide useful support—as well as knowing what not to do—can improve treatment outcomes for your partner. The better your partner gets, the more pressure that takes off you and your relationship. Couples counseling helps address issues arising from the depression.

Have hope. You may feel rejected and discouraged when nothing you do to help your partner seems to work. Keep in mind that depression is often cyclical—worse at times, easier to manage at others—and finding the right treatment may take time. And remember that 80 percent of people with depression improve with treatment.

*taken from: http://www.hopetocope.com/Item.aspx/745/the-ripple-effect