My head is spinning. I can't believe the summer I've had and the craziness is not over yet. My mom came to visit me after my sister felt like she couldn't handle her any more. My mom arrived in good spirits, but did not adjust well to the elevation, in addition to getting some sort of virus (which was exacerbated by her CONSTANT smoking).
I tried having fun with my mom....doing things I've always wanted to do with her and have her be sober for (pedicures, going out to lunch, having her see my apartment, etc.). And I really tried to be present and enjoy the moments, but they were tainted by how ill she is. She is frail, moves very slowly, is incontinent (big one), and she just sticks out like a sore thumb. I feel like I'm taking care of her all the time.
Then on Friday, she started acting weird. She would ask questions that didn't make sense (ex: I would finish a sandwich and my mom would say "I hate how you never eat") and she was disorganized (forgetting to wear shoes out of the movie theater, losing things, etc). Friday night she didn't sleep well and instead "organized" my whole apartments (she moved everything around, washed dishes without soap, put my dry cleaning pile in the laundry, etc.).
I knew that was manic, but I didn't think there was any harm in it, so I decided we should go on with our day. We had planned to go to a national park about 1.5 hours away. On the ride there, my mom was acting REALLY funny. She was naming things (house! car! bird!) and counting in random numbers. When we arrived, my mom got out of the car and hadn't worn shoes. It started to become apparent to me that something was very wrong.
We start to drive home immediately and my mom slips into (her first) a very severe psychosis. She didn't know who I was and didn't know who she was. She was SCREAMING numbers any time someone talked to her and was doing funny "exercises".
I know that she needs to go to the hospital and that we were 1.5 hours away. It was the longest 1.5 hours of my life. By the time we got to the hospital and were checking in, she was SCREAMING "FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!". Louder and louder. Three times. We were put in an ER room and she was wiggling on the floor doing her "exercises" and would scream for anything she wanted "COKE!!!!" "SMOKE!!" and kept taking her hospital gown off. Then she started screaming made up words and numbers until she was losing her voice.
The nurses in the hospital didn't believe me that she wasn't on drugs, and when they ran blood tests that confirmed she was sober, they never apologized. My mom was psychotic from about 1:30-6:40, when she started to come out of it.
She was admitted to the ICU because we also discovered that part of the reason her cough was so bad was because she had a bronchial infection and the reason she felt so bad was because her electrolytes were VERY low (despite only drinking coca-cola and eating candy). It turns out her water pill (to help re-absorb the fluid in her belly from the ascites) was washing all her salt out.
On Sunday, she was transferred from the ICU to the psych ward on a 72 hour hold. She's upset that she is being "held against her will", but I'm grateful that she is getting MUCH better care here (the other psych wards she had been to in Buffalo are terrible because there is no funding for mental health) and I'm glad to have a break from having her on the couch in my tiny apartment (I know that sounds mean, but her coughing through the night and keeping me up was driving ME crazy).
Anyway, she is adjusting well to the psych floor here. It really is much nicer than any other hospital she's been to. They want to adjust her meds because of her "breakthrough psychosis" and add a mood stabilizer. I hope it goes well.
I had noticed that she had been hypo-manic (spending money, talking faster, wearing bright colors, etc), but to be honest, I was happy her dark fog of depression had lifted. I thought it was harmless.
I'm glad she has the chance to get good care here, but I'm also sad that all of this is happening. It's hard and it feels like none of us (my mom most of all) can't catch a break.
I'll update again. I meet with my mom's psychiatrist tomorrow about a plan. I worry about being the only one to take care of my mom...but she really needs support right now.
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don't sweat it just be there for her, this too shall pass and then try to focus on the good things and not so much on what is "wrong" when you have a chance to enjoy the good things.....this is your mum symptoms illness and bipolar aside it is your mum.....if we let their illness get in the way of our relationship with them it is only we who loose out.
ReplyDelete@wyvernsrose: thanks for the comment. that's my motto right now: "this too shall pass". im also trying to focus on the good things. the bipolar piece really isn't the biggest problem, it's more the physical stuff (weak from weight loss, incontinence, and emphysema) and the drinking are the hardest parts. but im keeping in mind the good stuff of having my mom here : )
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