Dental Hygiene

It appears that my mom's hygiene (she didn't shower for a year) is having some consequences. She had some UTIs and things like that when we first took her to the hospital. Now, I am noticing her dental hygiene is really catching up with her.

I read this article (here) from the blog Mental Health Realities about a new study (which can be found here) that had evidence that people with mental illnesses were 3x as likely to lose their teeth than the general population.

I believe it! I just noticed my mom's teeth (the tops are veneers) and made her an appointment right away. Hopefully she won't lose too many teeth.

Sorry if that grosses anyone out. I just thought I'd keep it real : )

Anyone have experience with teeth loss/poor dental hygiene?

So, how am I feeling?

I've been going to Alanon (here) and they stress that you should focus on YOURSELF. That way of thinking has inspired this post. I need to think about how I am feeling in response to all of this.

I have been numbing, especially since my mom's psychotic episode. I felt like I needed to be in control and be the calm, collected one. I didn't react to seeing my mom slip into this bizarre, scary psychosis. I couldn't. Thinking about it now, it makes me sad. I feel so sad that my mom is truly ill. It's easier to ignore depression (even when it got as severe as it did with my mom). But seeing my mom like that breaks my heart.

I also feel scared. Knowing that those genes are in my body and dormant. Waiting to be triggered possibly.

I'm having a hard time taking care of myself too. This whole summer has been about my mom and taking care of her. Even when I wasn't with her, I was having anxiety about her situation and it's "up-in-the-air-ness".

And now that she is here and staying with me, I feel so much pressure about taking care of her. It's so complicated and when people tell me "take care of yourself first" -- it just feels IMPOSSIBLE. Like they don't get how complicated this situation is. I don't know.

I feel annoyed and I want my own space. I wish I weren't put in this position. I wish a lot of things. I wish I wouldn't slip into depression. I wish my mom were well. I wish I weren't jealous of other people whose moms can take care of themselves (and their kids). I know I'm an adult, but that's how it feels.

I feel exhausted.

It isn't over yet?

My head is spinning. I can't believe the summer I've had and the craziness is not over yet. My mom came to visit me after my sister felt like she couldn't handle her any more. My mom arrived in good spirits, but did not adjust well to the elevation, in addition to getting some sort of virus (which was exacerbated by her CONSTANT smoking).

I tried having fun with my mom....doing things I've always wanted to do with her and have her be sober for (pedicures, going out to lunch, having her see my apartment, etc.). And I really tried to be present and enjoy the moments, but they were tainted by how ill she is. She is frail, moves very slowly, is incontinent (big one), and she just sticks out like a sore thumb. I feel like I'm taking care of her all the time.

Then on Friday, she started acting weird. She would ask questions that didn't make sense (ex: I would finish a sandwich and my mom would say "I hate how you never eat") and she was disorganized (forgetting to wear shoes out of the movie theater, losing things, etc). Friday night she didn't sleep well and instead "organized" my whole apartments (she moved everything around, washed dishes without soap, put my dry cleaning pile in the laundry, etc.).

I knew that was manic, but I didn't think there was any harm in it, so I decided we should go on with our day. We had planned to go to a national park about 1.5 hours away. On the ride there, my mom was acting REALLY funny. She was naming things (house! car! bird!) and counting in random numbers. When we arrived, my mom got out of the car and hadn't worn shoes. It started to become apparent to me that something was very wrong.

We start to drive home immediately and my mom slips into (her first) a very severe psychosis. She didn't know who I was and didn't know who she was. She was SCREAMING numbers any time someone talked to her and was doing funny "exercises".

I know that she needs to go to the hospital and that we were 1.5 hours away. It was the longest 1.5 hours of my life. By the time we got to the hospital and were checking in, she was SCREAMING "FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!". Louder and louder. Three times. We were put in an ER room and she was wiggling on the floor doing her "exercises" and would scream for anything she wanted "COKE!!!!" "SMOKE!!" and kept taking her hospital gown off. Then she started screaming made up words and numbers until she was losing her voice.

The nurses in the hospital didn't believe me that she wasn't on drugs, and when they ran blood tests that confirmed she was sober, they never apologized. My mom was psychotic from about 1:30-6:40, when she started to come out of it.

She was admitted to the ICU because we also discovered that part of the reason her cough was so bad was because she had a bronchial infection and the reason she felt so bad was because her electrolytes were VERY low (despite only drinking coca-cola and eating candy). It turns out her water pill (to help re-absorb the fluid in her belly from the ascites) was washing all her salt out.

On Sunday, she was transferred from the ICU to the psych ward on a 72 hour hold. She's upset that she is being "held against her will", but I'm grateful that she is getting MUCH better care here (the other psych wards she had been to in Buffalo are terrible because there is no funding for mental health) and I'm glad to have a break from having her on the couch in my tiny apartment (I know that sounds mean, but her coughing through the night and keeping me up was driving ME crazy).

Anyway, she is adjusting well to the psych floor here. It really is much nicer than any other hospital she's been to. They want to adjust her meds because of her "breakthrough psychosis" and add a mood stabilizer. I hope it goes well.

I had noticed that she had been hypo-manic (spending money, talking faster, wearing bright colors, etc), but to be honest, I was happy her dark fog of depression had lifted. I thought it was harmless.

I'm glad she has the chance to get good care here, but I'm also sad that all of this is happening. It's hard and it feels like none of us (my mom most of all) can't catch a break.

I'll update again. I meet with my mom's psychiatrist tomorrow about a plan. I worry about being the only one to take care of my mom...but she really needs support right now.


Pic